LIFE: I

Well, this is probably the hardest thing I've ever done and that is to put a "post" about my life. Atleast noone knows me unless I gave the link to them myself. Lets see what happens.

I'm going to begin from as early as I can remember or the "stories" that family have told me about what went on in my life really!

Just so you all get a ROUGH timeline, I was born October 9, 1980 on the east coast. Don't want to give out too much infos!

Please, when you read my blogs, do not have any pitty for me or what I've gone through in life because I am who I am today because of all the "fuck ups". I choose to write in a blog instead of continueing going to a "shrink". Those bastards do not help really!

As early as I can remember was age 2. But I will start by what my grandmother has told me. She told me that my mom was not a very good mother at all and that when I was like 2 weeks old, my own mother traded me for some drugs and my grandmother had to go and "rescue" me back from the "bad" peoples!.. What a mum huh? I was too young to remember so then I continued on loving my mother. When I was 2, I remember my mom getting married for the first time to my 2 youngest brothers (who were not born yet) father. He seemed nice at first but when my elder brother (who had a different father from me) got into trouble, my step daddy would have my brother drink a whole bottle of hard core liquor. Mind you, my brother was only about 6 - 10 years old in this time frame. And when I got into trouble (ages 2 - 6 years), I had to jump on nut shells (pecan shells) WITHOUT my shoes on and I remember doing that and crying while my brother ran up the stairs of the house vomiting from all the alcohol my step daddy made him drink for being "bad" (or should i say boys will be boys)..

This step daddy I had always touched me in wrong places. Never tried to penetrate though but got kinda close (with fingers). I still remember though. It lasted for many years till I was about oh, 13 years old when he then became a "jail bird" I thought I was free from the molestations of the household! My mom then decided to marry again to the asshole she is still currently married to... this guy believes that he should just beat the kids I guess since my mom been beaten by all her other MEN!..and yet again, me being the only Gurl my mom had given birth to.. this guy chose to molese me and even attempted to rape me at one point in time. I tried to tell my mom of the rape but she did not believe me even when I showed her my proof I had and she confronted him and then kicked me out of the house where then I moved in with foster family after foster family. When i was like 13, a friend of the family raped me and i ended up pregnant, having a baby July 4, 1994 right befor I turned 14. Life as a mother at that age was miserable. Then the "state" came and took my precious baby from me. I had a little boy and named him Alexander Stephon at the time. He has since been adopted and living a happy life (God willing).. I fell in love at the age of 14 and the man was really there for me for 4 years.. living in and out of foster homes he still stuck by myside. That was REAL love. Let me stop skipping around the stories befor SOMEONE gets a little confused. When i was 17, I got to have a choice to either go and live back with my mother who i thought was a changed woman or to continue living in the "system". I chose my mom cos I felt like I needed that motherly love till one day her husband then decided to beat me senceless because I was dating a black man(i'm white). I then went back to a foster home for the next 1 year because when I turned 18 i was then considered an adult and got to leave hell and come to heaven.. so I thought. When I was 18 and got to leave hell, my then boyfriend who I dated for 4 years since I was 14, proposed to me and I had said YES.. not just like that but I said YES.. as a screem.. he and I were just so totally adventerous and decided to celebrate our happiness and my freedom from the government that we would gather some of our closest friends and go bunjee jumping. There were about 20 of us gathered around and all taking turns jumping. Then came my turn ( i was 12 in line).. I was really scared to do it even after watching everyone else do it and then my man being the sweetheart that he is said.. baby it's ok i'll go first just so you see there is nothing to it and everything will be ok. So then I watched him get escorted to the jumping spot and watched as they tied the "rubber rope" to his feet and he extended his arms out and as he jumped yelled "i love youuuuu (my name)" and then the bunjee did not bunjee.. it snapped sending him to his death 300 feet below. I was very shocked and had no idea what was going on from all the shock. Once I snapped out of it all I remember is running over to him and seeing him lay with the rope still tied to his feet and his head in a puddle of his own fresh blood. I could only think but to lift his head up and put it on my lap begging him to wake up and come eat with us (the friends and myself) later in that day. I was crying so much and the cops had to carry me away because i could not walk from all the shock... Such is life of a teenager...

I will give you ages 19 - 25 next time! (my hands hurt from this typing)..

Take care God Bless you!